Saturday, January 30, 2010

Welcome to the Ride

One December afternoon five years ago, I found myself in a mad rush from St. Luke’s Hospital to SM Centerpoint Department Store’s baby section. After spending about 2 weeks in a hospital room for premature difficulties, my wife was about to give birth and I suddenly, mistakenly thought we had bought nothing for the baby: mattresses, feeding bottles, a sterilizer, diapers…!

When I got to the department store, my mind began to spin…I was confused, I had no shopping list! I grabbed everything I could get my hands on, everything I thought our little Noah Caleb would need. I surely gave the salesladies a tough time asking for tips, for the best brands, the proper sizes, the right textures, and they all had to be blue!

And then just as I was about to approach the cashier, I realized, I remembered, Nike, my wife with who I am happily un-married, had already bought everything we needed and tucked all of little Noah’s supplies in a corner at home by his crib. And I remembered I was even with her when we bought some of those things!

It slowly dawned on me how unprepared I was for fatherhood. Though I was with Nike for every pre-natal check up, I suddenly felt unready, inadequate and afraid. How easily my nerves frayed. What kind of dad would I be? I never saw my dad panic when I was a kid!

It wasn’t fair, I thought. Nike had 9 months to get used to and prepare for parenthood, while I was busy working! The reality hit hard. I’m going to be a dad. I cried a little and said a silent prayer asking God to not let me screw up. (I told you guys this was going to be sappy). Then I realized the salesladies were staring.

But right there, at Cashier 17, a father was born.

I went back to the hospital after 7pm that night – it was coding day – I could’ve gotten a ticket! -- just in time for Nike to wake up and make fun of my frantic faux pas.

Noah was born a few days later, the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Saw him corkscrew his way to life in one smooth, expert motion, I did! And I cut the cord!

I’ve been staring at my son ever since, every night, thinking what good things I could’ve done to deserve such a beautiful blessing, because God’s list is probably short. And I still find myself saying the same prayer I said at the cashier.

We could be dancing, playing the Xbox, making Lego robots. We could be reading or talking about school, but always at the back of my mind, I am all at once marveling at the boy, thanking God, praying I don’t screw up and keeping my chest from exploding. When you’re a parent, multi-tasking becomes a cinch.

Fatherhood’s been fun, mostly. Just that some parts of the past five years (I’m looking at you, Delgado Hospital) were extremely traumatic, I may write about them here or I may not.

This blog is for Noah Caleb Lorenzo Parlade. So someday he’ll know his dad always did his best, and that even as I am making all this up as I go along, I (and his mom) have the best intentions for him. So he knows, I never mean to screw up.

So he knows what a wild, awesome ride he’s taking me on.

8 comments:

  1. Awww so sweet!!! Not too sappy naman eh :) And yes, you are right: we're all just making this up as we go along :)

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  2. Thank you for the inspiration, Hypermom!

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  3. Welcome to the blogging world Mark.

    Didn't know you had a sappy side. ;-)

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  5. mark, remember you have your whole lives together, and ergo have more chances to be a better father to noah. keep up the introspection and you will realize how "children changes everything".

    inuman na ulit! hehe :)

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  6. Mark... ang galing mo chief... you write so well.. and you put into words exactly how I felt when my own Laya was born - 28 years ago (gads, how time flies!) - yes, in Delgado as well!

    and Mark, don't worry.. i think you'll do very well as a dad.. the thing is to relax and enjoy the wild ride, as you put it. and yes, believe me.. its okay if you do commit a faux pas or two as you raise him - the thing is to learn to talk to your kid with sincerity and to make him know that its okay if we slip once in a while.. as long as we're able to pull ourselves up, learn from our mistakes and move on... good luck on the blog.. good work! im looking forward to your next entries...

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  7. sorry.. that was me, teddy montelibano

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  8. Awww, Teddy -- thanks -- glad you're along for the ride! ;-)

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